Bread and Butter

4/29/08

In a lot of ways, 2008 for me, thus far, has been about reflection on the choices I have made and my place in the world, in particular, my place in Koreatown now and moving forward. What happens often times when one spends too much time looking inside oneself for answers and direction is that person is stricken by an inexorable desire to flee their comfortable environs and seek adventure and truth in the unknown.

For me that opportunity arrived in the form of wedding invitation this past February. My college friend, Steve "Monster" Clermont had proposed and was tying the knot with his longtime girlfriend, Ruth Miller. I'd been dying to travel all year and any opportunity to visit a state (or states) that don't both start and end with the letter "O" and have a "HI" in the middle are welcomed in earnest.

Steve and Ruth were to be married on a colonial plantation near their home in the Washington DC suburbs of Virginia on 4/19. Ok, I'm in. I took the opportunity to tack a couple extra days on the beginning of my trip to visit friends in NYC (I hadn't been there in nearly a decade – too long). My friends out in NYC were terrific hostesses. In half a nutshell, my visit there featured drunken Rangers fans, fried chicken dinner, Central Park, Penn Station, East Village, Chelsea art galleries, Circles and Squares, record stores, pints, subways, Radio City, a Mets game and the "World's Greatest" pastrami at Carnegie Deli (that was nowhere near as good as Langers is here). I had a great time in New York, but as I was boarding the train to head for DC to meet up with Jonah in advance of the wedding that Saturday, I couldn't help but think that the greater moment of truth I was seeking had yet to shine its light.

"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware." ~ Henry Miller

A little background on my friend Steve… Steve is an argumentative person by nature. Many of his longtime friends are contrarian to the core. It makes for lively gatherings. Steve earned his nickname, "Monster," in college when he would douse his argumentative nature in an assortment of grain alcohols mixed with Hawaiian punch. This he would generally conceal in a Dixie party cup. I'd like to say that Steve isn't the kind of person who will get in your face and raise his voice in the heat of debate, but he is. Sometimes the "Monster" would be frightening. Monsters are just that way. The years and the experience (both in life and boozing) have mellowed the Monster considerably, but for those of us who have known him awhile, we can easily recognize the simmer just below the surface. In short, Monster is a mad, beautiful, passionate man.

Steve's wedding featured all the trappings one would expect at a wedding; open bar, hors d'oeuvres, a baseball signing, a plantation tour, meat house, dinner and dancing… oh, and a beautiful bride. This trip was my first time meeting Ruth, the new Mrs. Monster. I spent a lot of time at the reception swing dancing with my friend Dave's wife, Allison. She's taken swing dance lessons and knows I can dance, so the two of us spent a lot of time out on the floor, cutting a rug and showing off a little. Hopefully, pictures will materialize at some point.

After one song, Steve comes up to me and tells me how impressed his mother is with my dancing and would I come over and meet her and ask her to dance. Well, yes. Certainly. So, we go over and Steve makes the introductions and I ask his mother for a dance. While I am still shaking her hand, she starts shaking her head "no" and then turns to Steve and says, "No, Steve. I wanted to meet your tall, handsome friend." (meaning Steve's friend, Ben, who we also know from college, but hadn't even been dancing) Steve, of course, is horrified. He starts trying to point out to his mother how rude she just was. She turns to me and tries to be apologetic and offers to still dance with me. I say, "I don't want your pity woman" and walk away.

"For every moment of triumph, for every instance of beauty, many souls must be trampled." ~ Hunter S. Thompson

It was at that moment, thunderstruck and buzzed teetering on the edge of the dance floor that the greater truth was revealed to me. Personal humiliation is my bread and butter. Stick with what works.

So, naturally I trotted that story of humiliation from an unexpected source (have I really been shot down by women ranging in age from 22 to 72 this year?) around to all my college friends and their wives in attendance, and my suspicions (as to what side my bread is buttered on) were confirmed in the tears of laughter I got in response. Does this mean that I am at my finest when forces beyond my control step forward to knock me down a peg or twelve? Am I really the man for this job? Am I destined to have to turn ridicule and humiliation into sources of amusement for you, my (so-called) friends (you bastards!)?

I'll have to chew on that one for awhile… speaking of chewing, have I ever told you about what a wild trip Korean sushi is…?

"Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat." ~ F. Scott Fitzgerald

The wedding reception wrapped up with Jonah, Ben (you handsome devil!) and I being given the task of transporting a number of the table centerpieces and the last of the already opened wine from the bar back to the hotel. We gathered what we needed to carry and then realized that everyone had left without us. We didn't have a car. Calling a cab proved challenging. We'd been drinking and trying to explain that we were somewhere on this plantation just wasn't getting us anywhere. We decided that our best shot to get a cab would be to walk out through the woods to the main road (no short hike) to find landmarks for whatever cabbie would be unfortunate enough to pick us up.

After starting off down the drive from the plantation to the main road, Ben pointed out what a bunch of losers the three of us guys were. Here we were, three single guys at a wedding, and none of us could get a ride back to the hotel with a bridesmaid or anyone else and now we'd been roped into not only lugging wine, but centerpieces as well. I realized right then and there that the time for hard choices had arrived. I grabbed a centerpiece and launched it into the woods. Smash. Jonah said, "I'd like to see you do that again." I didn't hesitate and launched another. Smash. Muy satisfying. Jonah and Ben joined in. Liberated from the burden of the centerpieces, we then drank all the remaining wine before getting a cab back to the hotel.... totally shitfaced. When we re-joined the group (at a bar), they were a little lost as to how we had gotten so drunk and unruly in such a relatively short amount of time. At some point, Ruth (the new Mrs. Monster) asked after the whereabouts of her centerpieces. I think the answer I slurred out was, "Collateral damage."